every day every me

  To mother is to life Here we are at the start of the page no less deranged no less, amicable Knowing less of the world outside No less of the world inside for i was numb But cumbersome and wanderlust Thinking with my toes and not with my brain Wondering if sane is still in style today But what can i know but to focus on the now And the here and after all the diapers and the chasing Theres not much left to do but sit in amazement Created a life, and still creating Wonder if shock gives in to the phasing Of the chapter 2 or 3 or 4 I was such a bore before compared to this I cant run obstacles anymore and catch my breath But think of all the chores And think of all the lines of all the lists that i can permit And those papers and the files, all the secretary Doctor calls, what do i do with my mind at all I cant persist on knowing this that twenty year old mind is gone Its become mature, i have sat at my door and pondered no more Cause the time for pondering stopped and the time for ...

  So when did you become so frightened So afraid of life like it back stabbed you Like you’re a little girl in the hall Bully of a life, like you had it by the horns Let go and now you can't get back on It's ok, slow down. Drown your thoughts in Water, clear… mind is becoming a vessel of Trampled thoughts one top of another Cover, blame all the victims of your misfortune It's not the same, but keep going Poison the rivers of your past It will seep into your skin, become immune When did you seek justice for nothing When it comes too soon when all you wanted Was to be up by noon to become everything I'm gettin to it, you wanted to be All the titles and all the streets to shout your name She's a nurse, an organizer, a really good person She's a therapist, a starter, and someone to put a curse on But someone to be scared of and do you remember When you didn't think you did it when the mood shifted Do you remember when blaming the outside was Refreshing to you be...

  I just want something pleasant Something that makes me feel the same way That the greenery makes me feel when i walk Through it and talk to nature Such long thoughts and they drown out with life And make me feel uplifted and not contemplating Not making any decisions or debating With myself cause im with nature And it gets me cause im one part of it But when i sink back into my room Look back in doom Like i'm looking at my mood And wanna smack it in the face Cause everything can be erased And start brand new but instead I have a tight grip on my past And i wanna make it make sense but how When i can't answer half the questions ever again When i can't look in their eyes again And see results, so just constant analysis is there With nothing to get when i figure it out Or think i do, for it is inputted back in my mind And no prize this time for making a cloud Of ideas and theories that might help go forward No personal achievement, just crown the loser And make her wait in t...

  To vow is to prow into vigorous territory and say i do Too loud and they’ll hear you up in the clouds and think you're serious To bring about angst and to fish for compliments and unlady like But who was i, a tomboy in the making, to think that i'll abide By rules of failure and mischief and rise Of a laughter some characterize as hysteria What if i was a clown in another life such as this And i was a jester to make everyone's chests pump up such as this What if another life chose me to be a different representative Of my body and my mind and i was clued in on my path  Instead of the hardship that makes bargains arise and prevail And i sat instead thinking it was a free ride when indeed pricey And i had no money no courage to speak or to state my grief I just sat with my hands clasped thinking i was indeed A good for nothing waste of space that came upon this place With nothing to give and nothing to take and nothing to will And nothing to break, i will forever be the goo...

To understand me solely Would make me oh so lonely I understand that now It's a way too proud way to be  To understand the world Without knowing where i'm heading Is way too doormatty and will  Pose a risk to my self esteem So do that no more, just cower at the door Think, do i wanna be in charge Or do i wanna charge for this All of this pity that walks among me And savor the bite of the sweetest pie That made it to my table this july Walked along the sun and smile Rise above the waves and glide Wonder only about what is in the future And not about how the past can haunt Plan out everything in advance And throw away papers for adventure For, these plans for life do not pin well To the wall of failures that are soon to show For maps of trails that lead to nowhere That we never even took a step towards But here we are in a place we know not of And need to discover once more Cause i'm not 20 anymore  And i don't know things i once did And i forgot things that i once hid An...

  Any time you rise ahead i am right straight behind. Any time youre in yur thoughts i can fathom all i strive for,, will disappear because you hold it oh so dear, ur the conqueror oh so powerful your the faithful oh so dear, you think thoughts oh so clear,  Im the municipal, rigid warrior that lacks the confidence to say her praise, waste her day, laugh at sayings that describe me perfectly but is it me. Well do you remember back in the day laughing at everything they would say about me, about you, bully you and you would laugh like nah thats not me, thats  another part another human, lets make fun of it lets consume it, maybe if that part of you was humored, maybe it would disappear, cause it would not hold onto itself so dear, and disappear, u laughed at you… u laughed and laughed and now its the past but your still laughing like how could you even think to develop such a habit to worship something outside of you, when you are the one you laughed at , risking everyth...

  Watching slowly as you bend The way i stand and make it awkward See the way i look at you It wasnt sympathetic, but it wasnt cruel I was not judging but i had remorse I was the anecdote of course I wanted a story but i became my own I wanted some answers but you gave me none I was so ashamed to ask the questions That silence befell me and followed me through As days passed by, i realized it easy To not question you and together with me too I decided not to care what you cared about Or what you judged or if you foamed at the mouth Or if you had left or if you were leaving soon I was just glad that we didnt share a room I wanted an out and you gave me space to slide Away from you in healing me, and for that i thank you You left as the leaves fell and snow had enveloped the city And christmas was better without you cause all the presents were for me And none were for you and it was ok Because less money spent on you was more money saved And here we are not talking and the world is t...

  I wanted you to know, its everywhere i go I wanted you to see that you;re a part of me I wanted it both ways i cowered behind my mask  Im wishing you the best, every time im on my way But every time i turn, i see you standing there Sad as if standing is the worst thing in the world But you’re my world, you are everything to me And i’ll protect what you believe from sea to sea You are all i care about and worry you should not Because you are my child inside  You know this dont you Tell me you know this, that you are always going to be Protected and catered to and looked down upon And risen when need be, Tell me you know that you are free to act on Intuition, and on guilt and on freedom  And stupidly if you choose, yes ill laugh but ill be there To pick you up. Ill be there to let you bring yourself home again And think its you And know its actually you. I wont take credit I know what you can do until you know it too