I just want something pleasant
Something that makes me feel the same way
That the greenery makes me feel when i walk
Through it and talk to nature
Such long thoughts and they drown out with life
And make me feel uplifted and not contemplating
Not making any decisions or debating
With myself cause im with nature
And it gets me cause im one part of it
But when i sink back into my room
Look back in doom
Like i'm looking at my mood
And wanna smack it in the face
Cause everything can be erased
And start brand new but instead
I have a tight grip on my past
And i wanna make it make sense but how
When i can't answer half the questions ever again
When i can't look in their eyes again
And see results, so just constant analysis is there
With nothing to get when i figure it out
Or think i do, for it is inputted back in my mind
And no prize this time for making a cloud
Of ideas and theories that might help go forward
No personal achievement, just crown the loser
And make her wait in the corner till her name is calling
But what is my name?what is my title
What have a felt and what do i strive for
What did i think i was gonna accomplish
By letting go of things that never demolished
My wellbeing if anything i was a grudge to myself
Put me in a boiling put and make me feel hell
Why cant anxiety just disappear for once
And maybe my meditation will be medication at some
Times, i could see the crowd dissipate
And my smile will return to my frowning face
And the smile i put on now won't seem so fake
Why can't i run this short race
It's not too far to the finish line
The finish line of depression and anger and go on
To the next mission of life the next chapter that’s already started
But i'm still here on my mark get set, stop
Can't move a drop feel like i'm slipping on ice
And i'm crashing like a doe that doesn't have her bearings right
Why didn't i grow up to be teacher of some
And instead i'm all baring to the naked sun
Instead i look in the face of the only one
That gets me with no words
No explanation, no hurts
Just a brand new title that i could merge with myself
And step out of the shell of the past trauma so i could tell
This one innocence that im innocent too once more
And i could see that the doors have opened ajar
And i can speak into possibilities that don't seem too far
Maybe once i learn to walk to the door
I can open it with confidence and know what i want more
For once you know what you want, you’re gonna get it
And sooner or later, there's no reason to feel threatened
No paranoia, no reason for fright
Cause i will feel the breeze of happiness at night
That will put a smile on my face and make me calm
Oh how I want that time to come.
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