What to do with You Poem

 Watching you and watching me

Don't you find it remarkably

Insane as the game can be played

I just shadow you and show you the way

Its the left and right for me

It irritates me constantly

What is it about you that does me like that

Can it be that i just have to react

It isn't the voice or the sound of your snore

That i could deal with it if i have to or

Is it the way you are too quiet for me

Do i need noise to block out what's going on in me

Do i need the chaos thrive in it

Do i think the drama helps me think

Do you know what you are up against

It is me. I will always be in competition with 

You and me and everyone

I should shake the rising sun

I knew it was you but for how long was it me

This unbearable catastrophe

That i thought i could hide for as long as i could

But you left, little good did it do to you

I was here i was fair i was thinking out loud 

I Knew your voice was meek and i was the growl

And i knew it would turn into a meow with you

Cause i had to stay independent, that i knew

But here it is, a growl formed into a meow

And thanks to you, i am treated like that now

Wondering if it was the sense of loneliness

That kept me with you but it was such folly

I was getting jolly and you were impatient

For my depression, you couldn't take it

For my co;llision with myself was your entertainment

And for my addiction to making me hate it

And wondering why it was here from the start

I thought i had dealt with it way before 

But here it is again, knocking at my door

Invading my life like a slice by a knife that could sharpen

Itself i had made friends with hell i was there for the party

I was thinking i could hold it onto it for a bit

And i was basking in wonder about all of it

It couldn't be so deep that dove from my mind

But now i'm so far in that can’t see, so blind

Which way did you pull to make me look a fool

Which coward’s choice did you make to plan your escape

You’re not strategic like me, but  i fall for that

You have no plan, but i plan around that

You see, i remember thinking quiet means smart

And in your case, you sorta missed the mark

I thought you were silent for the thoughts in your head

To play out and be put into words that you say

But instead you were quiet because making a noise

Would subdue all the effort you didn’t put forth

So you stay insignificant and to me that’s a job

Cause to be part of something is the most amazing part

But you didn’t want any of it, and you’re not invited

But my empathy was strong and i had to fight it

I thought you could learn the way of my brain

But there’s no way to input trauma hardware that way

There’s nothing you can do that will make you stay

In the sensitive box that i want you to lay in

I knew it was nothing but just gander and claw

I knew it was something that i’d regret most

But you were just something that i walked away from

In my head so long ago so now, what to do now