On the road to recovery

 I guess i’m on the road to recovery,

Smiling somberly

Wondering about this dream

Wandering out into the streets

Walking away from parallel walks of life

And going headfirst into the pavement

I mean its me again

What did i expect

Was i thinking that id have a straight forward thought

Even with myself? Who am i kidding? Im a maze

Amazing maze to myself which i get lost in 

And cherish, no one else does well im my own

Settling on hardships that looked like triumphs

And setting up boundaries that look like obstacles

For me and for them and if they could cross them

Then ill be there, and if they just fall , they werent meant for me

I was that way and that way i should be

I had my recovery of all things vile to my wellbeing

And passed it and now im completely clean

And clean wasnt a thing that i wanted to be

But inside i guess, it was something that had to happen

For me to think completely clearly and nothing in my way

But not today, today im standing and wondering

If i wiped out my brain from everything else that could have saved me

Like if i was sleeping and woke up to an attack i coulda thought

But i got through this so i will get through that but that didnt come

And that didnt register and all i did was cry through it

But i gotta remember for the sake of my sanity

Or what i have left of it or building a new dome of calamity

And ran it into the other building of fire, and set it on with desire

I didnt even mix it together good, it just caused destruction

But thats what drove me and now i dont care

And thats what drove me but that drive isnt there

That wall i built keeps being strong and immovable

And now that i want to take it down, theres no one to help

But here i am, ill help myself, ill be my hammer and ill be my

Break down machine

Cause i cant go around acting all clean

I want the mess

Cause at that point, i was the best.